Funny anecdotes with Michael Jackson by David Gest

June 29, 2009

This is an extract of the David Gest's autobiography, producer among others of the 30 anniversary concert at Madison Square Garden, 2001.

Stories of David Gest. Autobiography: Simply the Gest

We flew to Nashville and rent a car. He was driving and I soon realized how bad he was doing it. Completely crazy.
We stayed in a nice hotel, Spencer Manor. We had to call first through an intercom in order to pass the main gates. Michael didn't know Nashville and I saw the opportunity to have some fun.
I told him that as we were in the self-named City of the Music would have to fulfill one of their local traditions.

-"Michael, you have to sing through the intercom", I told him.

- Sing what? He asked-

- You have to sing "This is the City of Music and here I'm". I am Mike Mc Donald so applause.
Otherwise you will not be able to come in. You have to do it, said to him.

He looked at me confused, but went ahead. The boy from the other side of the intercom came and said with his south accent, how can I help you?
Michael began singing and the voice on the other side replied: I am sorry, we do not accept odd people here.
They didn't open the doors. I laughed so much that was on the ground already. Michael didn't get it instantly, but as soon as he did almost pissed in his pants as well. He couldn't believe to be so stupid to do that.

Michael and me had fun pranking to each other. One of my favorites was to make another voice and pretend that I was somebody else... In the beginning of our work together, Michael was in a hotel in Little Rock, Arkansas. He loved eating. He just arrived and I knew that the first thing he would do is to order the room service. As soon as it came to his room I called him putting female voice and telling him:

- Darling, do you want me to bring something to the room?

- Oh yes, sweetheart. I will order a hamburger, he said. (He always called the people sweetheart or baby).

- Ok darling , I replied.

- I want it with mustard and ketchup

- Baby, we have no mustard or ketchup

- No? He asked

- No, We have ordered them two days ago

- Ok, some spice.

- Darling, we have no spices. We have them all finished.

- Ok, some mayonnaise

- There is no mayonnaise
- Cheese and Lettuce?
- There is no cheese or lettuce.
- French fries?
- No french fries
- OK, put only some butter and tomato in the scones.
- We have no scones, only some toasts.

At that time he had reached the limit. So he started to scream: You have not mustard, or ketchup, nor french fries, or pastries. What kind of restaurant is this?

I broke laughing. I had stayed with him. I did exactly the same joke after 25 years. We were not working together but I knew where he was staying…

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Michael loved to call people. He did it often when he came to my house. He used to take the phone, dial a number and start to prank.

The person on the other side answered and Michael said, who is?

The other side said something like, I am Lenore.

He said, Oh Lenore, listen, we will have to divorce. I cannot continue with this.

And she said, No, no, you are wrong…

Michael then interrupted and said, No, Lenore, don't try that with me. I have finished with you. We'll divide everything in equal parts, but it has to be like this.

Then he hung, leaving the person on the other side of the line wondering exactly what demons had passed.
…………………………………..

(1978). Michael was staying in my house in Dohney and was happy to be there… We went to have dinner with Burt Bucharach and Carole Bayer Sager…
Burt had requested a bottle of an expensive french red wine that he, Carol and I were drinking. Michael never drank but that night was impressed by the wine.

Incredibly, he did not know what was made of.

- Grapes, I said.

- I like grapes, Michael said, I think I will try some.

So we served him a cup and he drank it. Obviously he liked it because he drank another one. We were drinking a sweet wine, and that it should be like.
Until that time, we all had drunk a glass or two, so that the bottle was finished. Burt requested a second bottle. This time, Michael drank almost all the bottle, he had become accustomed to the taste of the wine, a good wine as it was that, and he was swallowing the whole.

So we ask a third bottle and Michael drank the most also. Then, it was when I knew that we were going to have a problem that night.

The night came to the end and I brought Michael back to my house. He was understandably happy. In fact, he was flying high, very high. In the car he was talking and laughing. He was singing, "I wanna be where you are" and "Never can say goodbye".

Then he continued singing most of its successes, such as "Ben". He was laughing all the time.

You are going to be in troubles, he said. I am going to tell Joseph what you have done.

I was not going to fall, "Not me, you did", I told him.

It took us a few minutes to get home. At the moment I parked the car and opened the door, Michael bent over and vomited all over the place. He spent the rest of the night going to the bathroom. He was more bad than a dog. I spent the night at his side.

He continued saying, I am going to tell Joseph that you corrupted me. I was somewhat concerned that he was going to do it, but he never did…

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Al Green Church, 1978… When the moment came to go to the party, Michael complained strongly. He was suffering the worst case of sharp pain for wearing

the underwear too tight. He couldn't move. Both sides of his legs were suffering a strong chafing. We went to the church the following day. Michael was still very sore and suffered strong sharp pain.

When we arrived, Al was singing the Curtis Mayfield classic "People get ready". He continued to cause an amazing effect in the people… the woman who was sitting next to us began to hyperventilate, as many African-American women do when they go to the church, she began to babble and to jump from one side to another. Then she fell between Michael's legs.

I will never forget the gaze of Michael. It was pure horror.

He was sitting there, paralyzed, obviously with a tremendous pain, whispering, Help Me, help me.

I could only smile and say, What I'm going to do? I am not going to take her away above. You'll have to do it by yourself!

The woman was there for 10 minutes. Only when Al Green asked Michael to join him in the singing we could take her from the crotch of Michael.
……………………….

We used to go to Disneyland. The two of us loved the roller coasters. Sometimes we went 20 times.

Michael used disguises often. Once, he was a sheik and I was his translator. We went to a place called Carnation Restaurant where they served tuna salads and sandwiches. At that time, Michael only ate organic food, but he had a rare idea of what was organic. If we went to KFC, Michael thought that if the chicken's skin was taken off it became organic food.

Anyway, that day in Carnation they were two women and a man of about 80 years old. We began to speak in our particular arabic between us.

When the two women started to look at us I spoke to one of them and told her: The sheik Majolini wants to tell you that you and your friend are beautiful ladies.

These two ladies probably would not have received a compliment in the last 20 years so they began to laugh. Then we started talking. They asked what was the sheik doing there and I told them that he had just been divorced from his wife number 97 and had 154 children.
- Do You have 154 children? They asked astonished.

- "As much as he knows", I said. He had 97 wives… and started naming, "Jada, Jami, Shakira, Vera…" with Michael saying this in an invented Arab.

There was nothing malicious in it. In fact, Michael paid their bill, he was like that, always making jokes with the people.
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Sometimes, however, the joke became against us. The funniest thing that happened to us was a night when we went to eat pancakes. It was after 1 a.m. and our usual place, Dupars, was closed. So we went to another one in Ventura Boulevard. They were only a couple of people there.

The waitress was about 70 years old. It was around 1979, when Off The Wall was released. Michael was world's number one and she didn't recognize him at all.

She came to our table and asked what we wanted to order. I made an Arabian accent and said "Yamaka fallesh".

Michael began to laugh and she slapped him with the back of her hand. She said, "this is not fun, your friend is from a foreign country and you have to respect the people who comes from foreign countries".

Michael became nervous; he didn't use to be treated like that in public. He hided himself under the table to avoid her.

I asked him, "What is a pancake? tell me, please".

The waitress began to make mimics. "It is like a cake crushed".

Michael began to laugh again and she raised her hand again so he sneaked away as he could.

Then she said, "Ok, I am going to bring you to the kitchen", and she and the cook taught us how the pancakes were made. We asked many of them.

When they arrived at the table, I emptied the bottle of syrup over them. She immediately slapped me in the face. It hurt.

"It's not funny", she said. Michael was laughing again.

She brought a new portion and I ate it. When we left, Michael left her a $200 tip.´

We were going by the parking toward the Rolls Royce of Michael when the waitress approached running to us.

"I cannot keep this, probably you are working to go to the college and need the money", she said, without realizing the car that he was driving.

Michael insisted, but she said, "no, I don't take it". We couldn't believe it.

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